I Only Do It So I Can Breathe

I’m a guy, so it seems like a silly question to ask. “Do you masturbate?” I mean, you may as well ask me whether I breathe or whether I like breasts better than ottomans. But it turns out that there’s actual value in asking the question—and a few surprising answers. A 2007 University of Chicago study on masturbation found that 61 percent of men aged 18 to 60 told researchers in a face-to-face interview that they had masturbated in the previous year. The number for women was only 38 percent. So, right away… maybe people aren’t doing for themselves quite as much as I thought. You might be thinking, “Yes, but look at the ages in the study. Once folks get married, they don’t masturbate as much.” Aha! There’s one of the surprises:

In American culture, masturbation is often viewed as a sexual refuge for singles, as a way to compensate for a lack of sex in a relationship. In this survey, that turned out not to be the case. In both genders, a sexless relationship suppressed masturbation. Respondents who masturbated the most were usually involved in a sexual relationship. Having partner sex, it appears, piques interest in solo sex.

Women were found to masturbate more if they were in a relationship in which they were not getting either enough physical or emotional closeness.

Speaking of masturbation, did you know that masturbation may help alleviate hay fever symptoms? Or sex. Your choice. The research out of Iran seems a little specious and (naturally) didn’t study women at all. The idea seems to be that, since blood flow in the genitals and in a stuffed-up nose are both related to the sympathetic nervous system, an orgasm might constrict blood vessels in the nose as well as the nads and the subsequent relaxation might unblock those nasal passages. It’s worth a try.

Monday is Thomas Jefferson’s birthday. And I’m sure Jefferson would appreciate being remembered as a man of action and not just a man of words. I’m not sure what the other presidents would think of Justine Lai’s series of paintings imagining herself having sex with each of them. Eighteen down, twenty-six to go. And why doesn’t it surprise me that Grant is into spanking?

Compared with Ms. Lai, I’m no painter. But, as I said before, I want to do more art for fun. Here’s a little painting thingee I did last night before bed.

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