Monday, April 03, 2006
No Bones About It
Looking for ways to fill your time now that both the men's and women's NCAA Tournaments are almost over? Did you "spring ahead" and find you now have an extra hour of daylight to kill? Well, make yourself useful! Go read about how to give the perfect hand job. Or go work on your flirting skills. Now that the weather is warming up, you might just find that the person you've been sitting next to on the bus all winter and who always looked a lot like the Michelin Man is actually kinda hot underneath all that down and wool. Or, if you have a few friends who are feeling particularly frisky and vernal, you could try a few sex games at your next dinner party. Just a thought. Invite me and I'll bring cheesecake! (That was another thought.)What else? I've written before about how it is a man can break his penis. But it could be worse. At least the human male doesn't have a penis bone. OK, I suppose the proper name is baculum, but we always called them penis bones back home in Kentucky. I think I actually have a raccoon penis bone in the bedside table. Anyway, most male mammals seem to have them. I guess when you're a weasel, you don't have time to look at porn or engage in foreplay before slipping it to that special gal weasel. You take the opening (so to speak) and go for it. A penis bone must come in handy. The only question I have has to do with the above page at Skulls Unlimited. Who makes replica penis bones and why? (For those of you who flunked your Metric to English units conversions in middle school, that 30cm long elephant seal penis bone is a foot long. Too bad he has fish breath.)
Speaking of penises, apparently my mother wasn't as delusional as I first thought when I heard she showed up on her wedding night expecting my father to have two penises. According to the penis trivia on The Penis Page, there have been over 80 documented cases of men with two penises. The mind boggles! Which way to hang — both left, both right, one each way? Do they both get hard at the same time? If they do, can they be used… well, you can imagine. Would I pass out? Which one pees? ARRRGH! My brain hurts!
Comments:
Elephants eat fish? I always thought they were herbivores. Yes a whole post about penises and my first thought is about your mention of elephant breath.
Good to see you post my dear overworked Prospero
Posted by Blue on 04/04/06 at 08:02 AM
Not elephants, silly. Elephant SEALS. Different critter altogether. Elephants have peanut breath and like to hide in the refrigerator or in the backseats of small, foreign cars.
Posted by Prospero on 04/04/06 at 08:35 AM
Will I be forgiven if maybe I explain it as seal is phoque in French and then phoque is the same sound as fuck and then maybe I translated it as Elephant fuck and then jumped to the breath? Yes it does not make sense but I did not have much sleep and not even for good reasons.
Posted by Sleepy Blue on 04/04/06 at 09:51 AM
Multi-peni, huh? That would be a little creepy. It made me think of this porn movie out there called “Edward Penishands” (and, strange enough, the guy playing Edward does look quite a bit like Johnny’s character). I want to see this movie, if only for the amusement factor.
Posted by JeN on 04/04/06 at 01:49 PM
LOL! I loved this post! I’d be a bit nervous if confronted with twin peni in that way- but I am curious as you as to if they could both become erect at the same time and if in these cases they were both of normal size and fully functional?
What about peeing? Just thought of that bit. That could be… well, he can always pee sitting I guess; might be hard to control and aim both if he’s been drinking a bit heavily that evening!
Posted by Debra on 04/17/06 at 06:08 AM
Yes, for all those women who feel their single-penis boyfriends already seem unable to aim their pee so that it doesn’t hit the toilet rim, toilet seat, floor… this would clearly be worse. On the other hand, the thought of one cock getting blown while the other is being stroked by hand… appeals to me. A lot.
Posted by Prospero on 05/04/06 at 11:18 AM
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