Monday, December 24, 2007
Happy Holidays!
I sent out an email yesterday to lots of my regular readers, wishing them a happy holiday season. But I somehow suspect that the email may have gotten eaten by spam filters, either on the sending side or on the receiving side. So, to the folks I emailed and to the rest of you, here is my holiday greeting for one and all. It’s not safe for work. But then, neither is this site. (On the other hand, I am perfectly safe for work. You may invite me for lunch any old time.)
Friday, November 30, 2007
Hair Today, Goon Tomorrow
Can you believe that November’s almost over? What the hell? I was just getting the hang of August.
I’m sitting here listening to the FoxyFM Live365 station. They just played a couple of very hot erotic stories. They alternate stories and music, all definitely for mature audiences. Of course, right now they’re playing Britney Spears’s I’m a Slave 4 U. And that would be fine and innocuous and barely noticable, but it’s only been one day since the news wires reported the story about Britney’s secret sex room. I’m having a little trouble keeping a straight face. Fur-trimmed handcuffs? Metal bed frame? Schoolgirl outfit? I didn’t burst out laughing until they mentioned that sometimes, she likes to entertain wearing a Cinderella outfit. Oh, my. Anyway, check out the FoxyFM feed sometime. “My neck. My back. Lick my pussy. Lick my crack.” You just don’t get song lyrics like that on public radio.
What other links do I have to share today? There’s an interesting story on Japan’s Wai Wai about people with pubic hair fetishes.
bq. “Nagano went to bars and cabarets and asked hostesses for samples. After plying them with a few drinks, he’d make his pitch, saying, ‘I want your pubic hair.’ Offering a 10,000-yen tip as an incentive, the gals would excuse themselves, slip into the powder room, and return to the table and pass him the goodies… “
And, for the visually inclined, check out the links site NotAboutLove. In the Nudes Portfolios section, you’ll find lots of links to photographers’ web sites… stuff you’re likely to have not run into before. For example, check out the work of photographer Ludovic Goubet. Very nice.
That’s all for now. I have to go have a heart-to-heart discussion with my calendar.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Two Steps Forward, Fall in Hole
I honestly don’t mind tinkering with Web sites as a rule. HTML, CSS, and all of these funky little Movable Type tags are a nice distraction from my usual work, which is more along the lines of stringing together nouns, verbs, adjectives, and the occasional misplaced adverb. But I much prefer to have a choice about how much Web site tinkering I’m going to do and when.
Which brings me to October, 2007. The host server for _Word Oyster_ got hit with a denial of service attack at the end of September. This prompted my service provider to move me to a new server, put up some more and different protection, and so on. Sounds like a good idea, right? Except that they hosed my database in the process and installed a newer version on the new server. Bottom line? One year after having to rebuild the site from the ground up… I’m having to do it again.
So, that’s where I’m at. I’m on a new server. I’ve switched to a better database. I’ve made the leap up to Movable Type 4. I’ve reimported all of my old entries. The site won’t rebuild properly, which is making me a bit insane and is leaving me with this generic design, not my own.
It’s a work in progress. Thanks for the encouragement.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
They Say It’s My Birthday!
Another year, another birthday. Actually, it’s not just any birthday. This is a “BIG ONE.” You know, one of those decade marker birthdays that have special sections in the Hallmark aisle of the pharmacy and scary selections of products in the party supply store? Yes, one of those birthdays. Groan.
Not that I don’t normally wallow in a stew of my own existential angst on every birthday (and sometimes New Years). I mean, where’s that goddamned novel? And what have I done for humanity lately? And why doesn’t Scarlett Johansson ever call? (This is where Jill, someone I know who died of cancer when she was very young, should come back and bitch slap me until I embrace my inner gray hair.)
I have no idea who this woman is in this photo. But I like her thumb ring and the way she’s biting her lip while she tries to carry a lit cupcake. Note that the cupcake does not have more than one candle and certainly not a number of candles that is a multiple of ten. It’s understated and much less of a fire hazard. (And if Kelly ever stops back by here, she can tell you stories about the erotic potential of cupcakes.)
Have a great Labor Day weekend! I’m off to Maine for Sunday brunch and some quality ocean watching.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Plucky Duck
Why is this duck smiling? Well, this little fellow is a Meller’s duck from Madagascar. If we assume that this duck is male, then he’s probably smiling because he knows he has a phallus that’s as long as he is. (Think of yourself or a loved one as suddenly possessing a 6-foot long cock and… OK, so maybe I wouldn’t smile over that. There’s bonus inches and then there’s inseam problems.) Or the duck could be a girl and the surprising owner of the Meller’s equivalent of a 6-foot long vagina.
I say “surprising” because, once again, researchers have concentrated on the male of the species and neglected to study the female. It was already known that the male Meller’s duck grows an enormous, corkscrew-shaped phallus every spring, only to have it fall off in the fall. (Apparently, it’s easier to regrow it each year than to keep something that size healthy. I can see that.) Given that 97 percent of bird males don’t have a phallus at all (they sort of dribble out their sperm), scientists had asked themselves why the Meller’s duck needed such an enormous schlong. As with all things (see any of 20 previous entries on this blog), the answer seemed to be linked to reproduction. The Meller’s duck female may choose to mate with one male duck, but she is often then forced to have sex by other males. Naturally, from a male point of view, the duck with the longest phallus is able to get his sperm further inside the female and thereby gain the advantage in fathering her babies.
Except… doesn’t that seem like overkill? Yes, if the female duck has a normal, short, tubelike vagina. But she doesn’t. She has a vagina that’s just as long as the male’s phallus and corkscrews the other way. And, no… until recently, no one had thought to check the female anatomy at all. (Remember, scientists are the same folks who didn’t care to look into that whole unimportant clitoris thing either.) Behavioral ecologist Dr. Patricia Brennan looked where no one had thought to look before and found that clearly the female Meller’s duck was evolving a longer vagina in a race to stay ahead of the longer phalluses. Why? To control whose sperm got to her eggs:
bq. “Once [the females] choose a male, they’re making the best possible choice, and that’s the male they want siring their offspring,” she said. “They don’t want the guy flying in from who knows where. It makes sense that they would develop a defense.”
Then again, instead of doing the coevolution tango, perhaps the female Meller’s duck could learn a thing or two from the female bonnethead shark that gave birth in a Nebraska aquarium—without there being a male bonnethead shark within several hundred miles. A virgin birth. While this seemed like a new occurrence for sharks, it isn’t unusual for many other species. As it stands now, mammals may be the last stronghold of male necessity. You do still need us, don’t you? Even if our idea of a duck cock looks like this?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Trial and Terror
Kevin and Jen and Michelle perhaps had noticed the change in my sidebar last week. The spam had gotten to be too much for my poor tagboard to take, so I removed it. I know, I know. You really wanted to see those three-per-hour messages for “young gay twinks” mixed in with my complaints about broken photos. Sorry.
And then no one had ever taken advantage of the “private chat with Prospero” Meebo thingee I also had in the sidebar. In fact, sometimes when someone visited Word Oyster and I was logged onto Meebo, I would try to start a conversation with them. And they would run away! Immediately. So I took that down today as well.
However, not to leave us without our toys, I’ve put up another new Meebo widget. If you look at the bottom of this page, you’ll find a Word Oyster chat room. That’s all I can say. I have no idea whether it will get used, whether it will be a mess, anything. I should be there on and off during the day, but definitely late at night. And if I’m not there and you find someone else who is, be friendly. Be sure to change your nickname for chatting from “Guest” to something else. And play nice, OK?
Friday, April 13, 2007
One Leg Up
Where does the time go? Sorry, but I’ve been switching computers and that’s a much bigger task than it sounds like it should be. Can you say “Where the hell does Vista hide the delete button?” Ah, but the new machine not only handles my blogging, writing for work, Photoshop, and so on, but it also has an HDTV receiver and a wide screen. Not that I would ever get distracted while I should be working. Not me.
In the first of what I expect will be several posts on sexual oddities in the animal kingdom, take the case of the male wasp spider. You’re already aware that mating can be a tricky and life threatening thing for the male spider. Hell, I think that’s even in Charlotte’s Web. But it turns out that the male wasp spider may get the last—though probably posthumous—laugh:
bq. “When a male wasp spider discovers a potential partner, he turns her on by shaking her web. The female thereupon supports herself on her long legs on the web so that the male, who is much smaller, can then creep under her body. The rest works hydraulically: the tip of a transformed leg filled with sperm is inserted into the female’s sexual orifice – like a ski boot in its binding.
The female usually puts an end to the affair after a few seconds by attacking her partner and killing him if he does not escape in time. ‘When the male detaches himself from the female, in more than 80 per cent of cases the tip of his genital breaks off,’ the Bonn lecturer Dr. Gabriele Uhl says. ‘The tip then remains in the sexual orifice like a cork, blocking it.’”
Think of it as a chastity belt. And the fair maiden has just happened to bite the head off of her knight before he is able to either go off to war or give her the key. Oh, well. (Damned urban myths. According to the Wikipedia article on chastity belts, “There is no evidence of the existence of chastity belts until ca. 1400 which was over a century after the last Crusade.")
Oh, BTW. The “login for access” panties (sans enlarged spider) are available from Jinx.com.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Be A Doll, Would You?
Sex dolls. Love dolls. Dutch wives. Realdolls. Candy Dolls. Time, sexual fantasy, and silicon march ever onward. If Thomas Alva Edison were alive today, perhaps he would be helping Matt figure out how to get better audio-animatronic action out of his Realdolls. (VERY creepy seeing these headless torsos hanging around the shop on chains, but I do understand those dolls are heavy.)
Anyway, I wasn’t planning to revisit my passing mention of sex dolls from my earlier futanari story, but this recent news story on sex dolls caught my eye. The article confuses the inflatable dolls with the silicon dolls a bit, but here’s the important novelty: sex doll rental. Yes, apparently you can rent an inflatable doll in a gym bag, ready to travel and blow up, or you can rent a room that already has a silicon sex doll waiting there for you.
I can’t read Japanese, but I did find this company that both sells and rents dolls with a very hentai look. They are all available with small, medium, or large boobage. And really, it’s worth the visit to their site just to see the Flash video demonstration of hands squeezing those silicon breasts.
And how much does it cost to own those squeezable breasts? If you have to ask, you probably need to borrow on your 401k. Of course, if all you’re after is something to squeeze or boink, Realdoll sells headless dolls as well. $1500 will get you everything from the neck down to just below the hip bone (no arms, no head, no legs). Or, if you’re really maxed out on online poker, $1000 gets you… well, just above the bellybutton to just below hip bone. Five skin tones. Available natural, trimmed, or shaved. Eww. Way too Boxing Helena for my taste.
Of course, there are those of us who have grown up with the amusing thought, if not the gaping-mouthed under $35 reality of the more traditional blow-up dolls. For you, I offer the instant nostalgia of video instruction on how to date a blow-up doll.
Or blow-up goat.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Hole in the Sky
Maybe you've already heard, but apparently anal sex among heterosexuals is becoming more commonplace. Gasp! I mean, they're even talking about it on MSNBC, where they called the steady increase a sure sign of the passing of lovemaking's last taboo. This most recent backside brouhaha can be traced to a recent report from the Center for Disease Control (CDC), which found that 38 percent of men and 33 percent of women are now reporting that they are engaging in heterosexual anal sex. This is a considerable increase over a CDC study from the mid-1990s. Interestingly enough, the research plan was never updated to ask about how much female-to-male penetration is now going on. And we know that's increasing, too. For a more detailed look, read Em & Lo's New York Magazine article, The Bottom Line.
And part of the increase in female-to-male penetration maybe isn't so much inspired by the prevalent male-on-female anal sex in porn, but by... a willingness to experiment, to be more active in knowing what's pleasurable to the other person. Not all of the female-to-male is strap on play. There's also prostate massage in which a finger is inserted (gently, and with a generous, loving amount of lube, thank you) into the man's rectum and then used to massage his prostate. If you haven't given it a try,you'll find some instruction at Abby's Sexual Health. And, if you're more visual, you can always view this male prostate stimulation instructional video from our friends at Sex is Fun. It's an odd, almost scary 3D animation of how to manually stimulate the male prostate gland with either a finger or with an Aneros toy.
Speaking of anal, I have a video recommendation. Tristan Taormino, the Anal Ambassador, is anything but an underachiever. Now she's directing porn! And I just saw her second feature, Chemistry, Volume 2, and want to recommend it to you. This falls into the category of "gonzo porn" which, in this case, means it's like a porn version of "Real World" with 8 porn stars living in the same house for a couple of days... and doing whatever they want with whomever they want. Oh, and then talking about it to the camera. Anyway, the actors are nice looking, not fake, and the sex is varied and hot (including -- ta-dah! -- a scene at the end where the woman gives the guy a handjob while sliding a vibrator in and out of his ass). So, check that out.
And, finally, if you are trying to or thinking about trying to include male-to-female anal penetration in your sexual repertoire, check out these Anal Sex Tips from Women. These are true stories and recommendations from real women... and they should know.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Not Too Late!
Just in case you're still looking for some reason not to write off this entire Valentine's Day. Here's a very cool way for those of you not graphically inclined to create and send personalized pictures. You can carve your message in a tree trunk, or write it on a candy heart, a street sign, a theater marquee. Or you can have your entire gooey poem written in the shape of a heart!Take Google Maps and combine it with love nostalgia. What do you get? Well, you could get Where I Had My First Kiss, a site where you can put a pushpin in the location of your first-ever kiss and then tell everyone the story, good or bad. Mine's there.
And finally, for those a little more cynical about the entire love thing, have a look at this episode of the online comic, Copper. Ouch.
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Fascinated by language, drawn to art, and utterly amused by everyone's naughty bits. Beyond that, I'm hundreds of years old and I live on an island. Read the play.
