Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Better Than Lupercalia
Another year, another Valentine's Day. I humor myself (as I am suffering over what to send to this person or that) thinking that at least this isn't the most invented, just-for-Hallmark holiday. Mother's Day isn't quite 150 years old. Father's Day may not even be 100 years old. And not even the grandparents take Grandparents Day seriously. And really, how can you hate something that provides an excuse for otherwise dull people to let loose more chocolate, more lingerie, more edible body paint, and more sex toys into their dreary winter world? Besides, we need something that's guaranteed to make all of those middle school kids miserable.If you haven't received a personal piece of junk email from me today wishing you well, then you can see the same message here: Happy Valentine's Day!
Or forget the silly holiday and just focus on spring and renewal. You know, fucking 'til it thaws stuff. As for love and desire? Those could just be chemistry. Or knowing the right place to touch. Or maybe just a pressing need to forget about your To Do list for a few minutes.
Personally, today (as the snow is piling up outside my window) I prefer to see Valentine's Day as a diversion. I'm hoping for a card or two, some email, and the promise that this weekend I'll have a night with a certain someone that includes champagne, chocolate, and some red bondage tape. Hope your day holds promise as well!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Monkey in Me
It's been almost two weeks since my last animal story link. Aha! But this one has some possible relevance to the The MILF Syndrome discussion going on over at lazy geisha earlier this week. Anthropolgists studying chimpanzees at the Kibale National Park in Uganda have found that male chimps really prefer older females:bq. Male chimps compete intensively and even fight over the oldest females, while the youngest female chimps have to work harder to get masculine attention. "It's really dramatic because it's not just that the old chimps are avoiding the youngest adult females. They actually have a strong preference for the older mothers," said anthropologist Martin Muller at Boston University.
Compared to younger females, older females were more likely to be approached for copulation, associated with males more often during estrous periods, copulated more frequently with high-ranking males, and gave rise to higher rates of male-on-male aggression during mating period. "The males fight over them more," Muller said. "They don't have to do anything to get the males interested. The males find them."
Scientists believe that, once again, this behavior is linked to the males wanting to sire progeny. Unlike humans, female chimps do not go through menopause; they are fertile their entire lives. And, as they get older, the more mature females have higher social status in the chimp group, have access to more and better food, which means they are more fertile than the younger females. Researchers add:
bq. "Chimpanzee males may not find the wrinkled skin, ragged ears, irregular bald patches, and elongated nipples of their aged females as alluring as human men find the full lips and smooth complexions of young women, but they are clearly not reacting negatively to such cues."
Or maybe the sex is just better. Then again, it looks a little rushed.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Jingle Balls
In case you missed it during your late December holiday preparations (sugar cookies, dreidel carving, yule log toting...), you should know that I won the S Spot Xmas Cock Contest! No, really. Shay sent me this nifty winner's icon yesterday. And I also won the fabulous prize (30 minutes of online porn), which she has promised to send shortly. In the spirit of the Golden Globes and upcoming Academy Awards, I just want to thank the little people behind the scenes who made this possible: the font designers, the folks who worked so hard on Photoshop, and the anonymous stock photographers. You're never too old to live your dream. Sniff!
Friday, January 05, 2007
Where did THAT come from?
Clearly I'm not getting out enough online. I know I haven't perused the Usenet alt.erotica.images area for a while. So maybe I saw these hentai images before and they never registered. Or maybe I've just become more aware of odd body parts due to all of the two penises and two vaginas stories (more today!). Either way, I don't remember seeing so many "dick girls" comics at one time before last night. Maybe it's something in the water. Like mercury.For those who don't already know, dickgirls or futanari is a sub-set within the hentai world and has more than its share of fans, blogs, etc. A dickgirl is just what it sounds like: a girl with a penis. Sometimes she has testicles, often not. Sometimes she actually is a girl who has a penis and is just trying to get through her day in her short skirt. But many times she's just a normal anime girl. Well, she's normal except that, when she gets sexually excited for the first time, her clit suddenly starts growing to the point where it becomes this enormous, juicy, veiny cock. Which, of course, is a complete surprise to her! "Oh, my! What ever will I do with this thing?"
* I can't believe I'm five days into the year and haven't mentioned animals yet. I can fix that. Naturally, if a human can have two penises, then animals can, too. Take reptiles for example. Check out the forked snake penis with the spiky things and tell me that doesn't remind you of something you've seen in a sex toy store. If you think the reptiles are odd, check out the marsupials and the echidna's amazing four-headed penis.
* And, while not the same as two vaginas, you can also read about the case of a woman in England who had a double uterus and gave birth to triplets -- one baby from one uterus, and two from the other.
* Finally, since all of your New Years resolutions can't be about losing weight and using more lubricant, why not tweak the things you eat in order to keep the blood flowing to all of the right erectile tissue? Zinc and calcium. Yum.
* OK. Fine. Nothing much here to satisfy your prurient interests. I guess you'll just have to listen an a gratuitious orgasm so you don't feel I've wasted your time.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Preaching Like a Virgin
While I was away, researchers at New York's Guttmacher Institute released a study saying that, not only do most Americans today have premarital sex, but so did our parents and grandparents. I mention this because I just got off the phone with my mother, who decided to spend our long-distance minutes telling me how girls and young women today are fooling themselves thinking that they can "just go out and have sex like the boys." Then, as my eyes hit the back of my skull, she started telling me about this enzyme "they've found" that gets released by the female body when it has sex and how that makes the woman become immediately and irrevocably (yes, tragically) attached to "the man" she's had sex with (please... I didn't even attempt to get into what happens if it's another girl). So, in memory of my grandparents, whom I know for a fact were doing all sorts of things in back of the dancehall before they were married, I decided to mention how the Guttmacher researchers found that, for every generation over the past 80 years, 35% or more of people may have said premarital sex was wrong, but those same people were going out and having premarital sex at a rate of 90 to 95%. The only major difference over the last 50 years is that the average age of first intercourse has dropped from 20 to 17.5 years old. (Not surprisingly, the average age of a girl's first period has fallen about three years in the same span of time.) Anyway, it was about that point in the call that my mother started telling me about all the rain they've been having down South and how she thinks there's a possum living under the house again.* I was hoping Scienceline would dispel the myth as they answered the question, "Why do guys get sleepy after sex?" I've become such a nightowl that I usually get up out of bed after sex, even if it's after midnight. If I've done a good job, she's usually asleep before I've made it down the hallway to get some water.
* Today's fine art recommendation is the online portfolio of a French digital artist who goes by the name Calirezo. Fans of anime will love what she does with the eyes of the photographs she adapts, paints, alters with Photoshop and her graphics tablet. I liked the group of images based on the work of Gustav Klimt. For kicks, poke around in her links section.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Let’s Try This Again
Hello from my little land of limbo! (That would be the "existential void" variety of limbo, not the "dance under a stick" limbo. Just wanted you to be clear on my preference. So, if you hear someone ask, "How low can Prospero go?" you'll know it means blog entries on gerbil stuffing and not something done after four too many mango daiquiris.) I am sure that someone out there must have missed my ability to engage in lengthy parenthetical asides. If not, I'm crushed. (Me. too.)I think I've managed to get my site back up and running. It took a while. I really lost most everything in the crash and server switch. I managed to find some files that I could use to slowly reconstruct my archives. But I lost my design template. So Word Oyster is back with a new look. More sophisticated, a little too pastel perhaps, but it's working... so don't look a gift CSS in the mouth.
* For a little fun, visit The Sun Online and try to spot the bogus boobs. I got 8 out of 10 correct. And I'm going on record that, based on the photo shown, I think Myleene Klass's breasts are real.
* Perhaps "find the pussy in the flower" photos are too predictable and maybe they have been done to death. But I think you'll find Floramagica by Hermann Forsterling some of the best you've seen. Click the thumbnails and then click the slightly larger version to get the largest preview. I would love to put a poster-sized version of that purple flower on my living room wall and watch to see who does a double-take.
* And finally, I know I've discussed men having two penises on here before. But now there was this story in Esquire called What It Feels Like... To Have Two Vaginas. Oh, the possibilities!
That's all for now. I hope everyone had a lovely New Years Eve and New Years day and that each and every one of you has a wonderful 2007. Onward!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Just What I Needed
In case my lack of attention to blogging confused you, I just thought I should post a little something to let you know that... the computer ate my blog! Yes, that's right. One Web hosting service decided to buy out my old hosting service and, in the course of making an "emergency" unannounced transfer of my files from one server to another, corrupted my database. I can't get to anything. Arrrgh. So, it may be a while before I can get back here the way I would like. Hope to run into you then. Stay well, peeps.Friday, July 14, 2006
I Like Smart Girls
I know, I know. Word Oyster has been pretty dead for a few months now. (Five points to anyone whose brain just flashed to the "I'm not dead yet!" bit from Monty Python.) No pearls, no need for lemon wedges or cocktail sauce (depending on your oyster image of choice). But I'm still alive, albeit overworked and artistically uninspired (and prone to even more numerous parenthetical asides than usual). And yes, I still care about each and every sex toy you've bought or orgasm you've had in my absence. With or without air conditioning or strategically placed ice cubes, I hope your summer has been punctuated by a nice selection of sweaty, noisy, gushing, well-lubed fun. And the fact that you haven't written to tell me all about it only means you share in the responsibility for my long silence. And pictures. You didn't send pictures. Or little audio files.So, what's happening in the world of sex today? Aha. My prolific buddy, Violet Blue, has another book out! The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn is Violet's attempt to get past the notion of whether or not women like porn (um… they do. Duh.), and start to help her individual female reader understand why she likes the porn she likes and then… well, go out and find more! You can read more about Violet's book in Regina Lynn's review, Smart Girls Need Smart Porn, over at Wired this morning.
Since I last wrote, the folks over at Sex is Fun having been doing a lot of shaving. For anyone interested, there's a video podcast on how to shave your labia and now another one on how to get that perfect landing strip look. Thanks for sharing, Lorax! (I figure Lorax is a smart girl, don't you?) And if you happen to live near St. Paul, MN… I bet the Sex is Fun team would love to have you in an upcoming video and give Lorax's vagina a well-deserved vacation from the public eye. I don't think they've shaved testicles yet. (Maybe they got a deal on razors?)
And Shay has posted a VERY funny video on her sex blog, The S Spot, this morning. Shay's blog is one of my current favorites. I suppose I should add it to the roll, huh?
Sigh. The phone is ringing. The emails are pouring in. All work and no play, I'm afraid. So… that's it for now. Be well.
Monday, May 22, 2006
How now, How to?
I know it may be difficult for you to trust any video recommendation I might make after seeing that video of Mr. Football Penis. But I thought I would reward your tenacity by recommending a couple of more exciting, more on topic videos for National Masturbation Month. These two videos come from that awesome Sex is Fun podcast. If you haven't checked that out, do so. (You don't need a pod, dude. Watch or listen inside your browser.) The first video is called How to Masturbate a Man. And basically what you'll be seeing is a guy masturbating, with fun audio play-by-play by the Sex is Fun crew. I thought it was particularly good of them to start with the guy's penis in its normal, flaccid state… then watch how the guy works to get the erection, how he masturbates… and then, once he comes, watch how the erection deflates. My god! Limp penises! How's that for a little dose of reality? Anyway, there's also How to Masturbate a Woman in which co-host, Lorax, demonstrates what works for her. (Note: There are two versions of this movie. One has Kidder and Lorax talking over the video and discussing what's she's doing. The other version… well, the other one is a bit more fun and that's the one I've linked. Watch both even if you know they have the same outcome.)And if you still haven't gotten enough, check out the Beautiful Agony clips montage. Love your body, people.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Takin’ Care of Business
I suppose if I were to tell you that I've been incredibly busy for the last couple of weeks and then happen to mention that May is National Masturbation Month in the same paragraph, it might be fair for me to expect a few comments about exactly what I've been busy doing. I understand that. But no. My prostate and I should be so lucky. When whacking off starts to pay the mortgage, call me.
But it's true. National Masturbation Month is here again. The big San Francisco Masturbate-A-Thon will be held on May 27. If you attend, you'll find public and semi-public areas to do that voodoo that you do so well. And if you're a voyeur, there's limited seating available for cash donation as well as the live Webcast on Bondage.com. As always, participants are asked to get sponsors — folks who will donate so much money for each minute you masturbate. The money goes to the Center for Sex and Culture, a nonprofit group dedicated to safe sex and general sex education.
Meanwhile, Portland Oregon is having its fifth annual Masturbate-a-Thon tomorrow night, Saturday, May 20. This year it's billed as a Pajama Party of Pleasure and features music, food, vendors, hot movies, and kinky party games. From what I've heard, Darklady knows how to throw a party.
And if you can't get out, then remember that, in celebration of National Masturbation Month, Good Vibrations is donating a percentage of all lubrication sales made in the month of May to the Center for Sex and Culture. Buy now. It could be a long summer with no roadtrips.
Finally, I pass this video along with a question — Why? If you thought regular penises were stupid looking, well… imagine one that looks like it's been inflated with Fix-A-Flat.
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ProsperoMassachusetts
Fascinated by language, drawn to art, and utterly amused by everyone's naughty bits. Beyond that, I'm hundreds of years old and I live on an island. Read the play.
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