Word Oyster

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Still Chilly at Harvard

The debate about the Harvard snow penis rages on as the snow —and tensions —in Cambridge slowly melt. The destruction of the snow penis was discussed last night at the Radcliffe Union of Students meeting, with reactions ranging from full support of the women who whacked it apart to chagrin that anyone ever cared about the stupid thing in the first place.

My snow vagina idea was shot down. Apparently I have a "fundamental misunderstanding or ignorance of what an erect penis means as opposed to a vagina." (I know, I know. History, world culture, etc. But… why can't a snow vagina be a powerful —and fun —thing for women to build?) Of course, in Kent, Ohio even snow breasts can bring the appropriateness police.

My favorite idea was that the proper response to the snow penis was to not destroy it, but to put up posters opposing the penis and its societal meaning. Doesn't that sound right? Make fun of an erection and it's bound to go away.

Posted by Prospero on Wed, 26th Feb, 2003 at 8:15am
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Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Clean-up on Aisle 3

At at time when many Americans seem down on our traditional allies, the French (to the point of renaming French fries on restaurant menus? Oh, c'mon!), I thought it might be beneficial to international relations to tell you about one of Paris's newest shopping destinations. Rebecca Rils is a sex supermarket —um, "Supermarche Erotique" —in the Pigalle quarter, Paris's red-light district. And while most of Pigalle's sex district is old world seedy (as interpreted by Hollywood), with pimps and peep shows, bars and bouncers, the sex supermarket is big, new, and brightly-lit. Think of it as a Target with dildos. It even has shopping carts. So, if war is averted and tourism resumes, be sure to put it on your next Paris itenerary.

FYI. At least in Paris, flesh-colored sex toys are out and gold vibes are in, in, in!

Posted by Prospero on Tue, 25th Feb, 2003 at 10:09pm
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Monday, February 24, 2003

It Ain’t Easy Being Bi

Just saw this thought provoking piece in the Sydney Morning Herald on what it means to be bisexual in a society that thinks female bisexuals are cute, male bisexuals are gay HIV carriers, but in reality doesn't believe bisexuality even exists. Thoughts?

Posted by Prospero on Mon, 24th Feb, 2003 at 12:30pm
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Plain Brown Wrapper

In another indication that sex is profitable (duh!) and that even Walmart's customers want a good jar of lickable chocolate body paint now and then, Drugstore.com is now selling sex toys and related merchandise. Under the separate site name, Sexualwellbeing.com, you can now get your lubricants and red faux fur handcuffs at the same time you're online stocking up on Advil and toothpaste.

And yes, they do carry the "I Rub My Duckie" waterproof vibe. Just think… At $19.95, you're only another $30 away from free shipping!

Posted by Prospero on Mon, 24th Feb, 2003 at 11:27am
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Snow Joke at Harvard

When is a snow penis just a snow penis?

There's a lot of discussion going on over at Harvard (and elsewhere!) right now about a snow sculpture of a penis. The icy phallus was recently erected (ahem) on campus by bored members of the Harvard crew team. Within hours, the sculture was whacked apart with a cardboard tube by two offended Harvard women. And then the debates started, with everyone from Harvard professors to The Economist taking sides.

"It was offensive because it was pornographic," said one of the women who "dismantled" the giant snow penis. "As a feminist, pornography is degrading to women and creates a violent atmosphere," she said. "We built it for fun, instead of building a snowman," said one of the crew members. "We built it specifically as a junior high prank. Smart kids overanalyze things."

Do you think it's easier to debate the merits of a snow penis than to debate the merits of war in Iraq? Or should we send some Harvard women to Washington to whack Bush and Cheney in the 'nads with a cardboard tube?

Any women ever built a snow vulva? Just curious. I know we can make this work!

Posted by Prospero on Mon, 24th Feb, 2003 at 8:24am
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Zoo Sex Update

Add Philadelphia to the list of cities whose zoos offer sex tours. Called "Lovin' on the Wild Side," the Philadelphia Zoo's tour was postponed a week due to recent East Coast snowstorms. But better late than never. For $75 per couple, participants this weekend not only got their champagne brunch, but also heard a few unexpected tidbits from the world of furry fucking:

Gorillas? It's not "twue." Two inches.

Female kangaroos, on the other hand, sound like fun. They have three vaginas —two for reproduction and another one just for having fun. The guide says, "She is often called ‘the slut of the animal kingdom." The female kangaroo, not the guide.

Posted by Prospero on Mon, 24th Feb, 2003 at 8:00am
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Saturday, February 22, 2003

I’ll get naked and you get the SWAT team

High school girls in Canada are having a lot more fun (and fun fantasies) than television and Avril Lavigne have led me to believe. Last week, police in Edmonton quickly responded to a 911 call about a possible kidnapping. Ten units were scrambled and a SWAT team swooped in on the house where the kidnapping supposedly occured. Finding no one at home, police began searching the town. They soon found the victim, a 17-year old girl, bound with tape in the backseat of a car parked near a golf course. "She was not fully clothed. She was in a state of … she was naked," Edmonton police spokesman Wes Bellmore said on Wednesday. Police quickly arrested the kidnapper, who was found near the car, and took the girl to the hospital. But when the girl did not seem at all appreciative, the police realized that there was more going on than they thought.

"She did answer questions, but she wasn't very forthcoming with the detectives. They pieced it together that it was some form of fantasy scenario on the part of the people involved," Bellmore said.

The girl refused to file a complaint and the 911 caller was not aware that he was being duped. No charges have been filed.

Posted by Prospero on Sat, 22nd Feb, 2003 at 11:29pm
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Your star is rising

This from the Associated Press: "A Grand Rapids, Michigan man has been sentenced to a year of probation after appearing on his public-access cable television program in a comedy sketch that featured joke-telling genitals."

Hmm. How about this one? "OK, so these two testicles walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘What'll it be?' The first testicle says, ‘Scotch.' And the second testicle says, ‘Make it a double.'"

Posted by Prospero on Sat, 22nd Feb, 2003 at 11:01pm
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Just leaving a mint on their pillow

A German couple has filed a lawsuit against the tour operator who booked the hotel for their unforgettable Cuban vacation. Wrong rooms? No ice? Not enough "I Love Lucy" on the in-house cable? No. The couple is seeking compensation from the tour company because, in spite of the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, one of the hotel maids repeatedly walked in on them in their room while they were having their morning boink.

Let me guess. The couple in the next room is suing because, in all the hullabaloo, they never got their extra towels. Not to mention that they're wondering why the maid didn't want to watch them. Sheesh.

Posted by Prospero on Sat, 22nd Feb, 2003 at 10:41pm
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Where does a 60-foot sperm swim?

Any place it wants, of course.

This is old news, but I couldn't resist this one, last animal story (OK, I'm lying) about the well-hung ostracod. Scientists found the fossil of the oldest known penis —preserved erect and ready for action —on a 100 million year old ostracod. And when I say this ostracod was well-hung, I am talking about how its penis was a full one-third of its 1 mm body length. (If NBA star Yao Ming is 7 feet, 5 inches tall, then… you do the math.) The scientists say that the ostracod needed this relatively massive penis to deliver its sperm which, at 10 times the ostracod's body length, is among the largest sperm ever made by an creature.

Sperm 10 times my height? Yikes! I'm glad I'm me. I'm glad I'm me.

Posted by Prospero on Sat, 22nd Feb, 2003 at 10:30pm
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Prospero
Massachusetts
Fascinated by language, drawn to art, and utterly amused by everyone's naughty bits. Beyond that, I'm hundreds of years old and I live on an island. Read the play.

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A smattering of sex, a few episodes of erotica, and current events in the land of the "Make Your Own Dildo Kit" (now only $70 US and available in vibrating and glow-in-the-dark!)