Will that be a Hefty, Ziploc, or Glad Sandwich bag?

In an oddly and widely reported story from last week, headlines were clucking that British school children were being encouraged to have oral sex by their sex ed teachers. Not exactly. What is true is that Britain has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Western Europe and that the government wants to cut that rate in half by the year 2010. The new training of sex ed teachers is an attempt to recognize that teens are going to do something and to suggest that it stop somewhere before intercourse. As the course manager, John Rees put it, "Don't go on, go down" can be valuable advice. "It's about saying to them, 'You can hold hands, you can kiss and cuddle, and it may even get as far as oral sex…" As another spokewoman said, "Oral sex is one of the 'stopping points' on the road to intercourse. Another 'stopping point' is to hold hands." (Yeah, but one stopping point is a lot more fun than another. Shhh. Don't tell them!)

However, one hopes that the new British sex ed classes spend a lot of time covering some basic information about how babies are made —or not made. A recent survey of British physicians by Doctor magazine found that many British teens are incredibly misinformed about conception and contraception. Here's a sample of teen folk wisdom as reported by those doctors:

Girls, you won't get pregnant if:

• you wash your hair after sex


• you don't fall asleep. Sleeping with the opposite sex (yes, really sleeping) leads to pregnancy.


• you use food storage bags as condoms


• you stand up after sex and let the sperm drain out


• you keep your eyes closed during sex and you don't have an orgasm

Frankly, I think their first "stopping point" had better be before holding hands. Kids, no holding hands until you read the textbook, do your homework, and pass the test.